Camille's Rules of Engagement (or, The Right Way to Ask)
(EDIT, October 2023: I am not accepting any invitations or requests right now because my novel in progress is eating up all my professional bandwidth! When circumstances change, I will update my contact page.)
I often think about how I can be a more useful member of the writing and publishing community. As in many industries, it can be very difficult to "get your foot in the door," and back when I was an aspiring novelist, it seemed to me that established authors could help us newbies a whole lot more than they (seemingly) did. After all, they must've had their share of teachers, mentors, and other benefactors guiding and supporting them back in the day, right?
Well, sure. But if you ask for "a leg up" and don't get a response, that doesn't mean the author in question isn't already helping a lot of other aspiring writers. It's not a matter of gatekeeping or snubbery, but of establishing healthy boundaries. Let's use these tweets as an example:
From my point of view, this person was being incredibly cheeky. It was obvious he hadn't read any of my work, nor had he taken just a few seconds to find my email address on my website. He hadn't even bothered to click the "follow" button. As I joked to my friend (and fellow author) Shveta, this dude was acting like an energetic shoplifter. Naturally, he disappeared as soon as I tweeted a link to my video on finding critique partners—diplomatically asking him to, y'know, do the work.
Many folks have contacted me over the years looking for advice, and sometimes I don't even get a one-line thank-you for my thoughtful response to their writing and publishing questions. Lots of aspiring writers don't read much, don't self reflect, and don't seem to understand the concept of reciprocity and energetic exchange. They just want easy answers. (If you have a creeping suspicion you've acted like one of these writers in the past, read How Do You Know You're Not a "No-Talent Ass Clown"? It will probably make you feel better.)
On the other hand, my friend Steve asked, "Is this writing/publishing etiquette universally acknowledged? Or is it culturally specific? Maybe you should lay out some clear guidelines for anyone who wants to contact you." So here is that post, which I will link to on my contact page. If you think you're worthy of my time and attention, then you must read this post before contacting me (and if it's obvious you haven't read it, then I will not reply).
Clear guidelines for you, and healthy boundaries for me. Everybody wins!
Can I interview you?
If you're emailing about the Bones and All film adaptation: feel free to reach out with an interview request, but please watch the book-to-film playlist first and let me know that you have taken the time to do so. This way we'll have time to go deeper!
Otherwise, I enjoy corresponding with book bloggers and very much appreciate their enthusiasm and support...BUT you have to show me you've actually read the book you're asking about and have done even a small bit of research. If you ask questions in your initial email that make it clear you have not spent even a few minutes browsing my website—for instance, "Why would a vegan write a novel about cannibals?" when I link to an explanatory blog poston the Bones & All book page—I am not going to say yes to a Q&A that requires more time and energy than you yourself have put in. It also frustrates me when bloggers ask for free books and don't follow through with the interview questions, because that seems dishonest (alas, it has happened more than once).
Also, a quick note on social-media etiquette: please DO NOT tag authors in your posts if your review is negative (or even lukewarm). This is callous behavior and at best it comes across as attention seeking. Please treat us like real people with real feelings, okay? 🥺
Can you donate a signed book for my auction fundraiser?
There are lots of worthy causes out there, and if I said yes to each of these requests I'd have no author copies left. So here's a policy that feels good to me (but is subject to change): if you are fundraising for a humanitarian or animal-rights organization, I will most likely say yes.
Can you come visit my class/school/library?
I'd be happy to (via Zoom, at least!), but please iron out the honorarium and other practical details before you send your invitation. This is my livelihood, so I need to be compensated for my time, energy, and experience.
Can I ask you for writing/publishing advice?
Drop your question in the Comet Party Wish Jar. This way I can make a video that will (hopefully) benefit everyone who watches it. If you send me a DM or email I will only refer you to this form, so please save us both some time. [Though I am on social-media/video-production hiatus as of November 2021 in order to finish drafting my new novel, your question will be waiting for me when I come back!]
Also note that I'm much more interested in talking about craft, ego management, and process-oriented creativity than about querying tips, book marketing, and all of that. You can find that sort of content elsewhere. So come to me with the questions your heart is asking (as opposed to your ego). To be clear: if you come to me looking for product-oriented, how-do-I-get-a-book-deal type of advice, I am not going to answer you.
Will you read my work?
This question is one of the prime frustrations of every author's professional life, and I will explain why the answer is virtually always no. Reading and critiquing manuscripts takes an extraordinary amount of time and energy, which is why it's only reasonable to expect them from the following folks:
your professor (who is paid to teach you and review your work)
your workshop classmates (their critique of your manuscript is part of their coursework, and vice versa)
a freelance editor or writing coach (whom you have hired for this purpose)
a critique partner or beta reader (with whom you enter into a reciprocal arrangement)
I know this list must seem frustratingly out of reach to a new writer who hasn't found a community yet and may not have the funds to enroll in a writing workshop, so dive into my round-up of free creative writing 101 resources, reach out to potential critique partners on social media, stay on the lookout for free or low-cost workshops and communities (like my dear friend Heather's Well Writers), and invest in your education as soon as you are able to do so. If you admire my work, are hoping for mentorship, and are willing to put in the time and effort, read How to Work With Me (if You Can't Afford to Work With Me) for a clear step-by-step progression. Please explore the many resources I offer for free (there are even more inside my resource library for email subscribers; opt in here for link and password) before emailing to ask for more of my time and energy.
But I'm willing to pay you to read my work!
I appreciate that, but I'm too busy writing my own novel right now. Thank you for understanding.
I feel REALLY discouraged and I know you can help. Please can we email?
I feel you, I really do. But I have noticed a pattern of frustrated writers bypassing the work I've offered publicly and expecting or at least hoping for more of my time and attention in private, for free—and that's not fair to me. So please read upon the concept of emotional labor (as the term is currently used) before exploring the work I've already done—Life Without Envy, A Bright Clean Mind, the Life Without Envy web workshop, my private-writing workshop (watch the introduction here, part one is free with email opt-in), my office-hours video series)—you're bound to feel heartened again long before you've finished!
Also remember that if funds are tight, you can always ask for my books at your local library.
Can we collaborate?
In my experience, collaborations arise organically out of rich creative friendships. So unless we already know each other well and feel passionate admiration for one another's work, the answer is no.
But you and I are already friends, and I need your help with...
If you are truly my friend, then you will not take offense if I have to say no (even to a "small," "quick" favor) because it's what's best for my mental health.
I have a book coming out. Can I ask you for a blurb?
I'll be happy to read your manuscript (if it's science fiction/fantasy, gothic/horror, historical, and/or literary fiction—middle grade, young adult, or adult; or on the nonfiction side: creativity, personal growth, travelogue, or anything related to ethical veganism) and provide an endorsement if I love it (provided there's enough time before your deadline; if you give me less than two months' lead-time, I will not be able to say yes). I'm particularly glad to boost indie authors, because I know this process is demoralizing enough when you're traditionally published and can make use of your publisher's contacts. Keep in mind, though, that I wouldn't dream of emailing a colleague to ask for a blurb if I hadn't read (and very much enjoyed) at least one of their books. (Also, Bones & All is the odd book out in my body of work, so if that's the only book of mine you're interested in, I'm not going to be as enthusiastic about reading yours. Please don't ask me to read your book if it's about or includes cannibalism.)
To give you an idea of how this relationship-building over time would ideally work: E.F. Schraeder emailed me a couple years ago to tell me how much she appreciated A Bright Clean Mind as a fellow vegan writer; awhile after that, she forwarded me a call for proposals for a conference she figured was very much in my wheelhouse (so thoughtful!); so when she got in touch again more recently to ask if I would read (and hopefully blurb) her novel, my answer was a whole-hearted YES. Again, building these literary acquaintanceships (and eventually friendships) takes time, intention, and integrity, and if you don't actually care about an author's work (see above tweets), you are not going to fool us into believing that you do.
I am truly a fan of your work. Can you recommend me to your literary agent?
Feel free to compare your work to mine in your query letter, but I don't feel comfortable honoring this type of request unless I already know you well. (I'm pretty much an outlier on my agent's list anyhow!) For advice on finding an agent, read author and agent Eric Smith's blog post A Beginner's Guide to Looking Up Literary Agents. (You can read my old but still useful advice here.)
In short:
Oftentimes "the right way to ask" is not to ask at all, because even a "quick," "no-pressure" request is energetically draining for me. The plain truth is that I've written this post so I don't have to feel guilty about not responding to random people asking me for favors.
If you are truly a fan of an author's work, you will respect the boundaries they set around their time and attention. The more we live by those limits, the sooner we'll be able to get another wonderful novel into your hands!